Show Notes
Lisarah shares her adoption story, talks about re-visiting her birth country, and coping with racism and stereotypes towards female American Asians. She and Mady also dive into women's rights issues in China, and Asian representation in the media.
Transcription
Mady: You were adopted from China as a baby. Your adoption story looks a little different than most. Can you tell us how your mom came to the decision to apply for adoption?
Lisarah: She has two really good friends that she had taught special education with and coached special olympics with. The first one who was bold enough to want to adopt was Annette Hodorowicz, who I call Aunti Annette. She was like, Marie - that’s my mom - I’m going to adopt a baby from China. Why don’t you come and adopt one too? And my mom was like, no.. I’m content with my life. I have my dog and my cat and I don’t need anything more. So Annette came back and brought Faith Anne back who is now 23. She came back and my mom - she’s so dramatic - she was like, “From the minute I held her I knew I wanted my own.” It took about a year for her to go through the process of applying for and finalizing adoption with all the paperwork. She went with Kathy Adams and Jenni Mae and I were adopted from the same orphanage on Jan 30, 1999, 2 days before my first birthday which is pretty cool. All the Chinese cousins grew up together in Carson City and were raised together. My grandparents became their grandparents because theirs were deceased. At the orphanage they paired us with parents who had the same features as us. I was a really petite baby and my mom is a petite baby. So ya we all just got adopted together and grew up together! Mady: And there was no biological connection between you and the other babies, you were all just adopted around the same time from a group of best friends so you were your own little family. Lisarah: Ya I was thinking about that recently, and it is so cool that we had that opportunity. We were all adopted by single moms and we made our own little community. When I moved away it’s been important for me to have a community where I feel safe and supportive, and they were that community for me. And I’m so grateful for that and I love them dearly. Mady: That sounds like such a magical family connection. Lisarah: Ya we did everything together. We did sports together. Our moms would always be like, “We need them to be on the same team because we’re all single moms and sometimes we have meetings so we need to be able to have one mom take everybody sometimes.” So we would all pile into one mom’s mini-van. Mady: Was it hard for your mom and your aunts to be paired with kids because they were single moms? Lisarah: At the time I don’t think it was. I know a few years after they adopted us it was preferred that babies were adopted by couples. It’s interesting to me though because part of the application process is annual income and finances to make sure they can support us, and our moms were able to do it and it’s a blessing that that didn’t hold them back from adopting us and it’s just such a blessing. Mady: I did some digging into this after our last conversation, and Some adoption agencies only allow single women to adopt and not single men Single parent adoption takes a noticeably longer time to complete than a couple Only 5 states have laws explicitly prohibiting discrimination in adoption based on both sexual orientation and gender identity I just think it’s crazy that there is still this form of social control that is promoting the traditional, nuclear, hetero-normative family with traditional gender roles. And of course there is nothing wrong with the traditional nuclear family, but that just isn’t an option for everyone so it shouldn’t be used to determine eligibility for adoption. Like you had a beautiful upbringing, but it wasn’t in a traditional family. Lisarah: In all honesty I can’t see my life any differently. Sometimes my mom wonders what it would have been like if she hadn’t moved to NV from Minnesota and got married and had kids, and I’m like ya that would have been great, but then I wouldn’t be here. And I didn’t need an earthly father to have a fulfilled life. Mady: Do you know anything about your biological parents? Lisarah: No. In order for us to be eligible for adoption there could be no trace of our birth parents. My birth mother left me with a note that they translated and it said, “If you have a caring heart will you please care for my baby” which she left with me, and she left me with my shot records. Which doesn’t always happen - I would say it happens less than 5% of the time. But I was left in the town square, and anything could have happened. Anyone could have taken me and done who knows what. But I was safe. The orphanage got me in time and brought me back and set me up for adoption. Mady: What do you know about the orphanage you were in? Lisarah. I actually don’t know anything about it. Our parents weren’t allowed to visit the orphanage. They brought us to our parent’s hotel. I’ve learned that in some orphanages they tied babies to beds. So that could have been part of the reason. The possibility that that could have happened to me is crazy. So I think part of the reason why is because of the conditions we were in but I’m not 100% sure. Mady: When you were adopted it was in the height of the 1 child policy right? Lisarah: Ya. And that leaves an open ended question for us too. Did we have siblings? Or maybe our parents just couldn’t take care of us? If they were found out that they had more than one child they would suffer heavy consequences. The chinese government is very intentional of punishing people who break their laws. Mady: Has that weighed on you? Lisarah: I did a project my sophomore year of high school on the one child policy, and that was really when it started to hit me - how intense it is and how lucky I was not to be aborted. I don’t remember the specifics, but I saw really graphic images of women with their 9 month old infant that was just aborted. It’s sickening to think that just because the government was aware of how great their population was and they wanted to cut down on that, but that baby could have been born any day. That’s just crazy to me. Mady: I actually did a project on the one child policy as well, and I remember being startled too by the graphic details and the horrible treatment of women who had a second child, and the forceful implantation of IUDs that led to cancer and death, and the punishments, and the condition of orphanages. It’s unreal and very sickening. Lisarah: Ya Mady: Was Chinese culture a part of your life growing up? Lisarah: One of the section of the application is ensuring that you’ll maintain Chinese culture with the children as they grow up. A woman who went to my church tried teaching us mandarain and traditional chinese dancing. It was cool - but during the time we absolutely hated it. We were like, “I’m American.” Our families are white. So it was hard navigating that we are chinese but we’re american. We celebrated the moon festival and the chinese new year but it didn’t mean much and just felt like we were going through the motions. Mady: What was it like not having anyone in politics or the media that looked like you? Lisarah: It didn’t really bug me much but I remember in middle school thinking I wanted to be the first Asian woman on the Supreme Court. Mulan was my favorite disney princess of course because she was Chinese. But it didn’t bug me too much until I got to college and realized that I didn’t fit that mold of a white woman in America. It’s important to look up to women just like us to be empowered and reminded that as a minority we’re still important and powerful. Crazy Rich Asians was a game changer for me. The whole cast was Chinese which hasn’t happened in like 20 years. Mady: And it wasn’t just popular in the Asian community. It was a mainstream film. Lisarah: Ya it was a Hollywood filmed movie. It was such a big deal because the Asian community was being represented. And that movie was really accurate. After visiting China, I totally can understand what Rachel was feeling. Even though her mom was Chinese, since she was raised in America she wasn’t welcome and I totally can understand what that felt like. Mady: You’ve visited China twice now - once with your mom and once on a service trip. And on the service trip you felt that a lot, right? Lisarah: Ya! And I didn’t expect it. The Chinese government offers a program for adoptees to come to China with their parents. And it’s a super touristy trip. They knew we were tourists, and we were welcomed by the country. They said, “Our daughters have come home.” And it was an honor to go. But the second trip was even more meaningful I had the opportunity to teach English in a few high schools, and the more that I shared about being adopted and being abandoned, the more they seemed closed off to me. In Chinese culture if you’re adopted that’s not necessarily something that they approve of. Maybe your parents weren’t wealthy enough or they didn’t love you or something was wrong with you. So my second day I went in and I realized they were very apprehensive of me because I look like them - but I don’t dress like them or speak like them and I don’t speak Chinese, and they all just pointed and laughed. I took it personally, and I had the idea that they felt jipped of having a “real” American come in. They all love and fantasize about blonde hair and blue eyes and being tall. Very Hollywood. And I felt like they were disappointed that I was the one that came in. Mady: I bet there were a lot of conflicting emotions about that. Lisarah: A lot of Chinese people just really want to go to America. Because of that Hollywood vision. They think everyone has 5 mercedes and has a huge house with a white picket fence. You know the american dream stereotype, and they don’t know any better. And they all think just moving to America will solve all of their problems and make their lives better. Mady: Speaking of stereotypes - did you feel like you had to live up to some of the stereotypes that a lot of Asian people come face to face with? Lisarah: I think I put a lot of it on myself, but I perceived that my mom really wanted me to become a dr. or a lawyer. I think a lot of Asian people really want their kids to have high goals, so I put that pressure on myself. When I was in 1st grade a boy made fun of my eyes for being small and slanty - which didn’t bug me until I was in dance and realized that everyone was putting on their stage make up and eye shadow, and I didn’t really have eye lids. And then in high school I had a lot of AP classes, and people would always say - “Well Lisarah probably has the answer because she’s Asian!” And even the other day, I work at Trader Joe’s, and a lady said, “Don’t give me a palet jack, it’s like putting an asian woman behind the steering wheel.” And I was like, “Oh my gosh.” No that I’m an adult woman I’m noticing the stereotypes more. Mady: The hard thing about stereotypes is that they chip away at your mind and make you question their validity, and just the fact that the stereotype exists can make you wonder if they exist because they’re true and then you question if you fit into it. And it’s hard sometimes not to identify with them. Lisarah: And because I’m around white people all the time I feel like everyone automatically labels me with the Chinese stereotypes. And I can’t just go around and say, “By the way, I don’t match the stereotype.” So that’s challenging - just being afraid of being misunderstood and mis-judged. And in this situation I knew that if I said something it would have just started a problem. Regardless of what people say, we’re all created uniquely and we’re all amazing and different in our own way. And we’re all trying to collectively live our lives and thrive and we don’t need to put those limitations on other minorities just because someone made up those stereotypes. If we don’t champion other minorities and reaches how are we all supposed to collectively live in a happy world? So much stuff is going on right now and it’s because we’re not championing each other. Mady: I think that is really well said. Along the same lines with stereotypes and expectations, I think anyone who grew up in a dance studio can understand the big role that body image plays when you’re performing all the time. What was your relationship with your body like when you were dancing? Lisarah: Well - it wasn’t great. It still isn’t great. I never fit the mold. I was short and build, and that’s not what they’re looking for in the dance world. I always felt comfortable and confident when I was playing sports, but I knew I wasn’t make for dance. But it’s what my heart wanted to do so I pursued it very intentionally. I was told a few times that I was too big for a costume or not thin enough. ANd that crushed me. I felt so bad about my body. Everyone has that idea that the white people are so much prettier, and I struggled with that too. Like I wasn’t beautiful enough for those parts. When I got older and started competing it really hit me. A lot of the dancers are just the same. Tall, blong, long legs, long bodies. And I didn’t fit it. It was interesting, and I still struggle with body image. After being told that so many times, whenever I look in the mirror, I struggle to see myself as someone who is healthy and active because I don’t feel like I fit that mold. Even on instagram when I see workout videos it makes me insecure. It’s hard to be motivated. Being so body conscious for such a long time - it’s challenging to overcome that. Mady: It permeates everything. Your conversations, how you look at people, your experience clothing shopping. Lisarah: Ya I don’t even go shopping anymore. I just know what I like and I order it online to avoid that stress. Mady: I keep thinking about your example of wanting to be the first Asian woman on the supreme court, and it’s so awesome that you didn’t have representation so you wanted to be it for yourself. But I don’t know what it is - but the lack of representation who can present their real selves - that lack of real pictures and real people is really harmful. It’s hard to feel good a lot of the time. Lisarah: Especially being Chinese - many Chinese women are really tiny - but that’s not the case for me. My mom and I always joke that they paired us perfectly because we both have thunder thighs. I’ve struggled since I moved out with what to eat. Mady: I can remember that moment that I had in college when I first freaked out about food. I just had this thought of - am I always going to have to worry about what kind of food I can eat that I enjoy that will keep my body at the size I want it and be the right number of calories - it weighed so heavily on me. Lisarah: I totally feel that. My first semester in college I really struggled so I went on Nutrisystem. I ate 900 calories a day and I would bike like 16 miles a day. Then I tried intermittent fasting. It was crazy. And I get to the point where I wait to eat for so long that my stomach hurts and I want to throw up, but there is nothing to throw up. Mady: It’s so crazy the things that we feel are healthy or that we feel obligated to do to maintain this sense of conventional beauty. Something relevant in your journey is that you also got injured in dance. Lisarah: Ya. My knee locks, and it locked from the time I was 11 until I was 19. And it got stuck when I was 19 and I was working in a medical office, so I was carried to the orthopedic surgeon, and this was 3 weeks before I was moving to Minnesota, and I had to have knee surgery for a torn meniscus. Then right before surgery he said there was a lot of scar tissue from dance and volleyball. I got right into physical therapy, but then my ankle was really swollen. So we called the doctor and he said I needed to come in right away, and then I had to go to the ER. I had blood clots in 2 of the 3 veins in my leg. This was a week and a half before I had to leave for Minnesota. I was put on blood thinners, and I had to go to physical therapy for about a year and a half. So that was challenging. Mady: Ya because your first college experience and time away from home was when you were on crutches and healing and totally isolated and not to mention the emotional anxiety from this injury. Lisarah: Ya it was the lowest point in my life. I leaned out on my relationship with God, I didn’t try to make friends, and I was embarrassed. So I got in touch with a Christian ministry on campus, but I always had an excuse not to go. But I mean I was on my period on blood thinners. I was bleeding through super plus tampons in 10 minutes. It was nearly impossible to leave my apartment. So I really struggled. I didn’t have friends. I didn’t have my dog with me. And I didnt have motivation for school. So at the end of the semester I was notified that I was on academic probation. So I got back in the spring and got more plugged in with the Christian ministry and was doing better but still didn’t have that drive for academics. At the end of that year I got an email saying I was academically suspended. Everyone at my college is very competitive, and so I was concerned over what everyone would think of me. I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid to tell my mom. It was a blessing in disguise though because I just needed to have a year off - which is what I was required to do. So that was when I went to China, and it felt right. And it’s been such an amazing season of wilderness. And wilderness can scare us because we don’t know what’s going to happen, we don’t know what to expect, and so now I’m a lot more open sharing that. Because I was so ashamed at fist. I couldn’t tell my closest friends. I was so ashamed and worried what others thought of me. But it was actually such a blessing. Mady: I think if there’s anything I’ve learned it’s that you can’t learn unless you’re vulnerable and if you don’t do the thing. Life doesn’t happen if you’re not doing anything. Lisarah: We don’t grow when we’re comfortable. We grow when we step out into it. Being back home was such a comfort. I didn’t push myself beyond what was comfortable. Moving to the mid-west where the only people I knew are my mom’s extended aunts and uncles here. Mady: Speaking of your mom’s family - her family is Scandinavian. What has it been like being a minority in your own family? Lisarah: I don’t even think they distinguish me as anything different than them. Some of my mom’s cousins will post racist content on Facebook, and I’m always taken aback and I just wonder - “I wonder what they think of me.” I was visiting my great aunt. She’s 80, and I was talking to her about China and the Chinese people having a hard time accepting me. And she said, “You know, I don’t even see you as any different. I just see you as white.” And while I’m super appreciative that I’m accepting so fully - but there is a huge difference. The way I had to grow up and the way I was raised is completely different from how she and her kids were raised. They didn’t face those stereotypes. They didn’t have to face the negative things people think about them. It reminds me of Season 1 episode 2 of the Office - Diversity Day. When Michael completely forgets about race and the guy doing the training says no we need to recognize and appreciate different races. If we code everyone as white we’ll never learn about different cultures and beliefs. We can’t fully accept people unless we get to know them. Mady: Yes. I think that in terms of racism, and white privilege, we are taught that acts of racism are only the blatant and mean and violent and obvious - which makes it very hard to see that in reality it’s racism is this invisible system that permeates our culture and our everyday interactions - and because we’re not taught to recognize our own privilege we have a role in oppression. So while there has definitely been progress, there is still so much to be done. And I think this is an example of when people just genuinely can’t see their own privilege and how much that influences their biases and their role in systemic racism and oppression - regardless of how good their intentions are. Lisarah: Totally. I didn’t notice it when I was younger, but it’s interesting the looks I get the further north I go in Minnesota. The further north you get the less diverse it is. People at the store just look at me differently. I don’t know what they’re thinking, but it’s interesting to notice it. Mady: I want to jump into the human and women’s rights issues in China. Did you notice any of that when you were in China? Lisarah: I didn’t - but I know about them and it’s crazy to think that if I wasn’t adopted I would be experiencing them too. Mady: I’ve noticed there is a serious disconnect between what they say and what they do: For example, sexual descrimination laws first were created in 2006, but feminists have been arrested for peacefully bringing issues to light. There is a serious issue with public transportation sexual harassment - where men masturbate infront of women or grope women - and they’re given a free pass of “well they’re old men, they’re senile”- and I read about some women who tried to bring awareness to this and they were put in jail. Lisarah: Women here have the opportunity to stand up for themselves and be bold and empowered, But that just doesn’t happen in China. Who wants to be on a bus and have that happen? And they should have the right to spread awareness. And the fact that nothing is being done about it is very disappointing. It demonstrates how much the Chinese government cares about women. Mady: Feet binding only actually stopped 6 years ago - it was made illegal about 100 years ago, but the factory that made the feet binding shoes was only shut down 6 years ago. And it wasn’t fully enforced. And how it was enforced was by publicly shaming the women whose feet were bound. But it’s not like they had a say in the matter. This is a practice that starts when girls are as young as 7 years old, and women are the victims in this practice - it totally mutilates and disfigures their feet. There is an obvious gender bias still. Some efforts are being taken to encourage families to have girls/ keep baby girls - like offering furniture or money rewards for keeping daughters, but nothing to actually stop the gender bias. Lisarah: Wow. Being an Asian woman in America I’m completely taken aback. I’m not super aware of all these issues and a huge part of my heart is in China. So just thinking about how women are oppressed and what they go through is insane. Mady: Let’s jump into how Asians are represented in the media. I love hearing how much Mulan and Crazy Rich Asians affected you when it came out. I’ve been doing some reading, and I’m going to share some info from a study that Women’s Media Center shared called “Tokens on the Small Screen: Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders in Prime Time and Streaming Television” 242 television shows and 2,052 series regulars 4.3 percent of series regulars are asian Americans and pacific islanders. In contrast, whites comprise 69.5 percent of series regulars. Sixty-four percent of all shows do not feature any AAPI series regulars at all. This is especially disconcerting for shows set in cities with large AAPI populations. Of the 46 shows set in New York, 70 percent have no AAPIs. In contrast, 96 percent of television shows have at least one white series regular. AAPI characters are also less complex, with fewer romantic and familial relationships, and with shows often falling back on negative stereotypes of AAPIs such as perpetual foreigner, “yellow peril,” “model minority,” emasculated men, exoticized women, and sidekicks to white characters. Yuen noted that AAPI women characters are often seen as “pass-through characters,” or plot points for other characters’ stories. AAPI female characters are more likely to be defined by their romantic and familial relationships. “[Last] year, Daniel Dae Kim and Grace Park stepped down from Hawaii Five-O (chin Ho Kelly and Kono) because they were paid less and not seen as leads. They should have always been the leads in a show set in Hawaii. These are remnants of the lack of quality representation.” Lisarah: That’s crazy. I was raised by a Baby Boomer, and those shows are all completely white. Then progress to today and there are shows like Straight off the Boat. When that came out I was ecstatic. But even in that show there are still the stereotypes. It’s disappointing. When you stereotype people in tv shows it gives people who don’t now any better a completely wrong idea about the race. I don’t support that at all. I can’t say it’s intentional - but they’re just oppressing a race by doing that. On TV. That’s why Crazy Rich Asians was so great to me because the representations were accurate. Mady: I think when people fall back on these stereotypes it’s just lazy screen-writing and a fast way to get cheap laughs. Lisarah: And we weren’t made for cheap laughs. Mady: There has been a lot of white washing in the media lately with the new Little Mermaid. And it’s sad that there is so much pushback over adding diversity to a story when there is such a lack of representation. Lisarah: I know. Kudos to them for casting her because it’s great. I’m so excited about it. Even though I’m Chinese and she’s black, I feel like she is representing me as a minority. Minorities have to stick together in that sense because we’re not always supported by everyone but we can support each other and lift each other up. Mady: It’s like what you were saying earlier about championing each other. Lisarah: I’m a firm believer in that. Mady: The cool thing is that this is an issue that we can do something about. Ghost In The Shell was an anime movie and Scarlett Johansen was cast as a Japanese character. It did terribly in the box office and they attribute it to casting. And money is the language of Hollywood. So if a movie does well, people can recognize that maybe it has to do with the fact that it has a 100% asian cast, or maybe it did terribly because the community that was supposed to be represented wasn’t. So if there is a movie that celebrates values that you support - go see it! Buy popcorn! Make sure it does well! Lisarah: I love that there is something we can do about it! When Crazy Rich Asians came out I bought it on DVD and on iTunes and I bought the book! And I’ll definitely be going to see The Little Mermaid in the theaters. And Mulan is coming out soon and that is so exciting for me. Mady: I love that we can have a say in this because it does matter. I like to end my conversations on the topic of feminism. Do you consider yourself a feminist? Lisarah: Ok. I’ve never considered myself a feminist. But Nora said it perfectly in her interview. Like I always thought feminists were just activists that went to rallies. I don’t have buttons on my backpack that say “feminist” but I think I am. Because I believe that everyone regardless or gender and race and religion deserves to be treated equally. And I want to give you kudos because you’re spreading awareness about different situations and it’s cool because the people listening get to hear those stories and how to accept people and go on their journey with them. And I think that’s so cool. It reminds me of how resilient women are and how amazing they are. Mady: I don’t know if there can ever be enough representation, so we have to be the representation and champion each other - to use your words. I love seeing how strong women are and breaking down the stigmas around women and women’s capabilities and women’s rights. So I’ve been honored to have this chat with you.
0 Comments
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
HostJoin Mady every other Monday for a new episode. Archives
September 2019
Categories |