This is the first episode of Shouting About the Silence! Host Madyson Cohen starts out the season with a solo episode, discussing what the podcast and community are. She dives into the reasons behind the podcast, and she talks about her relationship with feminism. View the complete transcription below: “This first episode is to give you an idea of what this podcast is all about and give you a heads up on what’s to come. The bare bones, short and sweet purpose of this podcast is to provide a platform for diverse women to share their stories. There’s about a million and a half reasons why I think women need to share their stories and why I’m passionate about this so let me dive into some. 1 - It’s way easier to overcome a problem that you’ve seen someone else over come 2 - It’s hard to be something that you’ve never seen before (ie representation matters!) 3 - We need to have strong communities of both like-minded women AND diverse women 4 - We can talk discuss solutions instead of just complaining 5 - We need to open up healthy and purposeful conversations about feminism and feminist issues. 1 - It is so much easier to overcome a problem that you have seen someone else overcome. Example - About a year ago I was listening to a feminist podcast called the Guilty Feminist. One of the panel members, Sharmadean Reid, shared a thought that I’ve gone back and listened to about 15 times. This sounds dramatic, but it literally changed my life. She said that if you haven’t had opportunities for conflict it’s very hard to know what to do in each situation. The ability to negotiate and the ability for conflict resolution is muscle memory like everything else. One of the best lessons she’s ever given herself is in the art of negotiation: and she went on to list some resources that she has studied, including watching stanford lectures on it, reading the art of war, never split the difference. This was all in response to a woman in the audience who asked how to handle situations at work where she feels her boss makes sexist requests - but she feels blind-sided by them and gets sucked in. Sharmadean said, “as a woman I was constantly be talked into things that I didn't want to do. So all my advice to you would be to accept that it happened and it was the first time but it won’t happen again because you’ll do your hw and you’ll prepare yourself for all the scenarios and how you would feel. The only time my feathers get ruffled is when I'm caught off guard. When I’m stunned or blindsided I just prepare for what I would do next time.” At the time that I heard this podcast, it hadn’t yet registered for me that I am constantly “being talked into things that I don’t want to do.” but at the time, I had a co-worker who was super lazy, and if his job didn’t get done it made my job much harder, and I constantly found myself getting talked into doing his job for him. And it wasn’t just in this specific job - or even just at work in general. It happened to me all the time. And I didn’t realize at the time that I could take control of the narrative. And this idea of getting talked into things isn’t just something that happens to women, but I think that women do experience it at a higher rate than men, and for quite a few reasons. I know for me particularly I have always cared so much about being liked. And to be liked, I was a pushover. I thought if I was agreeable and pleasant and did what people asked then people would want to be around me. I just thought this was normal. And this was how I was in my professional and personal life. They say you teach people how to treat you by what you allow. And for years I have been allowing people to take advantage of me, and so it’s perpetuated itself. And I wasn’t even able to recognize this was a problem, let alone overcome it, until hearing this podcast. And I didn’t just hear them say, “oh ya, I used to have this problem where people took advantage of me but then I overcame it by standing up for myself.” NO. she gave a concrete list of how she overcame it, and then she proceeded to talk about things she is currently doing to continue to better herself in this area. I loved this So much. So much. And obviously if this isn’t a problem that is entrenched in your life the way it was in mine, this might not sound all that awesome. But it has completely changed my relationships with others and the respect that I have for myself and that I expect from others. Another amazing connection I’ve made from this experience is that I was listening to this podcast for a completely different reason. There was someone on the panel that I’m a big fan of, Scarlet Curtis who wrote Feminists don’t wear pink. I was just excited to hear her talk. And then this amazing advice came from a Jamaican entrepreneur. A woman I didn’t know who was at the time, a woman who I have very little in common with, and a woman who was on the podcast to discuss her experience co-parenting. I don’t have kids - so this was irrelevant to me. And yet this woman had experience that I needed to hear. I needed to hear her talk about overcoming her problems so I could even recognize a problem that I had. 2 - Along the same lines, the second reason why I believe sharing stories is so important is that you can be what you can’t see, but it’s a lot harder. What I mean by that, is until you see something done, you maybe don’t even realize it’s a possibility. And it might take very little representation for you to get a completely new outlook on something. For example, imagine being raised in a home where all of the pop culture you have access to - magazines, posters, tv, etc represents women as beautiful, dainty, thin, and a home-maker. Perhaps that is how your mother looks, and maybe your mother’s friends, and your aunts, and your neighbors. And you see that they’re happy. And they’re comfortable. And they receive praise for how they look and act - like, “janet you’re going to have to give me the secret to getting your curls to stay put all day!” or “wow margaret, this quiche is to die for!” or “my, karen, your home is looking immaculate as ever”. You have limited knowledge of any other kind of life, and this life is pretty nice, so this is what you want for yourself, too. Now - imagine the difference it would make if one day your mom makes a new friend who is going to med-school. She’s also beautiful, surely she could be a wife and mother if she wanted, but that isn’t the path she is taking. Then, you see a tv program that features a stay at home dad and a working mother. Or perhaps you watch a tennis match where the woman isn’t dainty - she’s strong and fierce. This is an overdone and super simple example of the 50s housewife cliche. But what i’m getting at is - Until you see something other than what you know, you don’t even know there is anything else to want. I’m a teacher, and there is this word in the education world called schema. Which is basically just a concept of something. So for example if you’ve never seen or heard of an airplane before, and then one day you see an airplane fly high over your house, you might think it’s a bird. You don’t have a schema for what an airplane is. You don’t know what you don’t know. You’re not aware of what is out there. It’s the same with our potential. We don’t even know some of the things we could want or pursue or dream of, because we haven’t seen it done before. Perhaps you are a muslim woman living a traditional muslim lifestyle, and then you meet another muslim woman who believes Islam with her whole heart, and she lives with her boyfriend who is not muslim. You may not have even known that that was possible. But here is a living breathing example, and suddenly you can think about your future a little differently. Unfortunately there is not equal representation, even in feminism, and there are plenty of women who do not have representation. Modern day feminism (when done correctly) is intersectional. This means that it does not just represent white wealthy women. In the early days of feminism, white wealthy women were the only women with voices loud enough to be heard - so they’re the ones who had representation. Times have changed, and so has feminism. But still the people with voices loud enough to be heard often come from the same social class, and often the same race. They’re probably straight, too. So not everyone has access to stories that could be powerful and meaningful. In this podcast I hope to provide a platform where the stories that are shared represent a wide variety of women - or in other words - real women. Women of different incomes, sexual orientations, ability, educations, races, religions, political affiliations, etc. There are strong women out there who are paving the way and maybe don’t need to see someone else do it first - but there’s also a whole lot of strong women out there who don’t have to, because their journey was made a little lighter because someone has already lead the way. And because they don’t have to struggle so hard to get there - they can go a little further for the next person. 3 - The third reason why sharing stories is so important is because it builds community. This one is two-fold. As we meet different women from different backgrounds, you’ll have the opportunity meet women who share the same background as you, and women who are diverse. I think both are beautiful and necessary. Example - if you’re an LQBTQ+ mom who is struggling because your daughter’s friend isn’t allowed to come over to your house because her parents don’t believe in gay marriage. You probably would want advice (or even just listening ears) from someone who has been there, right? Or maybe you’re a black student in an all white school who is struggling to make friends. You probably want to talk to someone who is also a minority at their school. That’s not to say that you can’t learn from someone in a different life situation - but we all need a community of people around us that share our circumstances to help support us. Someone who understands your needs can better support them. Through this community you have your own little feminist niche where you can learn about ways to get involved and advocate for issues that affect you, you can support women like you, and you can learn from women like you. the other side is that sharing our stories can also build us a strong and diverse community. In the words of her majesty emma watson - “at a time when we are too often being reminded of what divides us, there is common ground to be found when we share our stories.” at the women’s march in 2017, Gloria Steinam who is one of the founding mothers of modern feminism called the collective of people gathered to support women’s rights the upside of the downside. Meaning ya, it sucks that there is still this disparity between men and women. It sucks that women have to fight harder at everything that they do. But this - this community, this collective of people coming together - this is beautiful. This is worth celebrating. And there is so much to be learned from each other. 4 - Which leads into our next point - Educating women - obviously it’s important to have information about problems that affect you - but I think it’s equally important that you have information about problems that don’t affect you. Have you ever been in a situation where you are face to face with someone who is just experienced loss, trauma, infertility/miscarriage, bankruptcy, divorce, a crisis of faith, a sex change, abuse, or any other trial - and you just want to love and support them, but you don’t know what to say. You don’t know how to help. You’re sure there are things you should and shouldn’t say but you just don’t know what they are. As we interview women who have overcome these trials, we’ll learn from them how to best support other people in their shoes - so that we can be part of the collective that is building women up instead of pulling them down. As we hear stories of ladies who have overcome hard things - we’ll build empathy and bridge the gap that might exist between people from different places, with different religions, sexual preferences, etc. you’ll also learn how to get more involved in the issues that do affect you. And you can build awareness in your community. 5 - Solutions - not complaints. Feminists get a bad rap for being angry and complaining. Well first off there are a lot of really valid reasons for anger - but that anger, fury, sadness, discomfort - whatever it is that you’re feeling, that can be channelled and turned into a fight, a solution, an answer. I was listening to another podcast where a panel of feminists all shared some thoughts about issues that they advocate for it - and it was beautiful and powerful - and then somehow all these other topics came up that they’re not experts on. Sex education, gun rights, mass incarceration. Seriously problematic topics - but these ladies weren’t at all prepared to discuss a plan for a solution. And they just turned in to the cliche feminists. And it’s frustrating that we have to be careful of this - but when something as simple as getting a luxury tax removed from feminine hygiene products is controversial - we have to be careful how we present ourselves because we are teaching the world what feminism is. Also - listening to a bunch of people complaining might build awareness around issues - but awareness isn’t enough. We need action. We need solutions. We need women who have been there. And that’s what this platform is. 6 - Feminism is important. I want to unpack this word because as I’ve been promoting this podcast and sharing this idea with people, I have been a little bit hesitant to use the word feminist even though I strongly identify with it. But I know that so many people have issues with it. In fact I’ve had people confront me and tell me, you know, I know that feminism is at the roots of what you’re doing, but I think when you’re promoting this podcast I think you should refrain from using the word feminism, because I think you’re going to lose people who could benefit from this podcast but are afraid of that word. But in the words of the queen, Hermoine, “Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.” So we need to break down what feminism is so we can say the word. You know that Nike Commercial for women that talks about all the critiques that women get? It’s a powerful commercial that gives you goosebumps and makes you feel so empowered. That feeling is feminism for me. And it can be for everybody, but currently that’s not what it is for most people that hear the word. So, an example of this: I typed feminism into google and the first thing was wikipedia, the second was Miriam Webster dictionary, and the third was urban dictionaries. These are from the top definitions: “The radical notion that women should be treated like oversized children and that men are sub-human. Nazi Germany - 1930s - Did exactly the same thing to Jews and various other groups” “A bastardized corruption of the word ‘Favoritism’.” “Feminism: I got the house, the mercedes, half his net worth and the kids, because I'm a member of an oppressed group!” #double standards#man-haters#weasels#misandry#feminits “A relentless political advocacy group pushing for special privileges for women, which pretends to be a social movement advocating equal rights for the genders. Because women have already achieved more than equal rights, a modern feminist is either an ignoramus or a liar.” “Feminism is a politically correct, federally funded special interest hate group.” “A movement meant to create equal rights for women when it suits their purposes, otherwise they are just annoying and hypocritical.” So there is some baggage with the word feminism. I get it. I haven’t always considered myself a feminist because it’s scary. And when I first started feeling like I was a feminist, and when I first started exploring it, I remember being embarrassed and telling my husband - “I think I’m a feminist..” and not wanting to publicize it. But the more I know about feminism the more I just want to shout it from the roof tops. It’s an amazing glorious thing, and it’s not something that just benefits women either. If you don’t have a good grasp of what feminism is, it is just that women should have the ability to choose how to live their lives, and men and women should be treated equally. Like one of the urban dictionary people wrote, there are some ways where women benefit from our gender. For example, I had a flat tire the other day and two guys came and changed it for me, which was cool because I didn’t know how to do it. That was a good thing that came from being a woman. My husband told me he didn’t think anyone would have stopped if it was just him. Now, the list of things that women do not get, or the list of bad things that women do get, just by way of being women, is very very long. And when you start getting involved in feminism and talking to informed people you start to realize that what binds us together is way more powerful that what is keeping us apart. And you can build strength in it and find so much hope and purpose in it. It’s a really wonderful thing, but so many people don’t realize that. So a big part of the purpose of this podcast is to help more people realize that they’re already feminists. They’re just afraid of the word. They don’t want to identify with the word because of how people understand it. If we keep having issues with the word feminism then there is an entire area of civil rights that is not getting enough attention. So as we talk about feminist and women’s issues, I hope that you come to realize that feminists are not just angry white women who don’t shave their arm pits and don’t wear bras and who hate men. Feminists are just people who want the world to be a better place for men and women. Feminists are people who are trying to make a difference and who are taking the injustices of centuries and channeling that anger and fury and sadness into change and making a difference. So now you’ve heard my shpeel and you know why I care about this and what I think there is to be gained from this. I want to give this disclaimer here where I let you know that this is not something that I am an expert on by any means. But I think that’s the point. The point is not that I’m an expert on feminism or women’s rights, the point is that I recognize the value that comes from sharing stories and I’m only providing the platform. It’s not me telling you how to improve your life through feminism, it’s the fact that you can build your community through all these awesome women who have been there. How I intend to build this community is to share the social media platforms of the women interviewed on the show, and something I’m very excited about is our community forum. It’s a Facebook Group, Shouting about the Silence Community. You can go on and post questions that affect you in whatever lifestyle you’re in. Maybe it’s about an issue you’re facing in your profession, maybe it’s with child rearing, maybe it’s about work-life balance. Maybe it’s an issue about menstruation. Or maybe it’s about a big topic you’re trying to build awareness on like female genitalia mutilation (FGM), or education in 3rd world countries. So it’s whatever you need it to be, basically. You can go and post questions, links to things that you think are powerful - maybe you just watched a great netflix documentary that you think a certain group of the population could benefit from. Let us know! Share your resources and help other women where maybe you’ve been through something helpful for them in their situation. I’m super stoked about that. It’s a safe place where we come together as women to help each other and get to know each other and support each other in our respective journeys. As this podcast’s purpose is to help women in their own feminist journeys, I hope that you guys will reach out to me as you see fit to let me know what direction you’d like the podcast to go. Maybe you know somebody awesome that has experienced something profound and you want them to be interviewed on the show. Let me know! Maybe you want to be on the show. Maybe there’s something you’d like to hear us talk about. I’m also going to be starting a feminist book club. I’m so jazzed about this! As I mentioned earlier, I’m fairly new to feminism, and I get a bit intimidated when I’m talking to informed people about gender studies issues and women’s issues. I don’t have an education in gender studies. I don’t think most people who care about these issues do. So it can be intimidating when you try to approach those issues you do care about, but you don’t have a college education backing you. So I’ll be starting a feminist book club. We’ll read a book once a month, and at the end of the month we’ll have a podcast that discusses the book. So you’ll have time to read it by the time the podcast comes out. So you’ll have a chance to read it before the episode comes out. Basically I want this podcast to be more than a podcast. I want it to be a community. A strong group of women who can support each other and grow together. Another disclaimer - I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t have experience with podcasts, other than listening to them so please be patient. I’ll try my hardest to get content out regularly, but if it’s not happening please be patient and send your guidance and support. What I care about is the message and I’ll do my best to get that out. Thanks again for listening. Head over the Facebook Group and the website, and if you could subscribe to this podcast, rate it, tell your friends, share it, I’ll love you forever!” Thank you for listening (reading)! Be sure to head over to the Facebook page to continue the discussion there! :)
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